There has been much teaching about human “coverings” within the church. When I look at certain ”leaders” who have set themselves up as those we are somehow suppose to respect more than just the ordinary pew sitter or whatever, I get angry and sick inside.
I’ve been rididculed, put down, called names, cast off on the side lines until I learned to submit, told I was rebellious, told I was unteachable, religious or had demons—all because I dared to question some things. I’m not the only one. A lot of you have gone through the same thing.
In all honesty, I am a rebel at heart and I know rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. I do not think rebellion is cute or some small matter. But, if I ever sense someone is trying to manipulate me in one way or another, I will dig my heels in and obstinately refuse what man wants me to do. That too, is witchcraft on their part and I will not allow that kind of witchcraft in my life from anyone.
God knows I tried to submit to authority within church wherever I was at the time. One reason was just looking for that sense of camrederie. I was willing to follow if the leader knew what he was doing and where he was going. But, it never worked; meaning, I just could not keep my mouth shut with things I sensed were wrong doctrine or things going on.
I was in one church who had a special speaker. The speaker stood up telling the congregation that he was counseling a man and the Lord told him to turn that man over his knee and give him a spanking! WHAT???? And I was not allowed to question that?! I don’t think so.
More than once I heard the passive sugary line, “Just pray about things.” Meaning–keep your mouth shut. Uh well, that is fine and dandy and God knows I did a lot of praying back then. But there comes a time when you must speak out or else the whole church ends up being led astray. Simply put, I was not going to jump through hoops for no man or program. I could not and do not have to prove anything to anybody.
My friends, it took me years to get over this kind of thing. Literally it took years to get over the rejection of those who consider themselves better than I. Those who considered themselves the enlightened ones because they had some new revelation or were following a new teaching of one I quesioned. Those whom I was suppose to sit at their feet and swallow everything they said or did as if Jesus Himself were speaking through them. Most of the time He was not.
I have learned I do not have to sit at the feet of man, because I have the greatest teacher of all. Jesus Christ. Do I get it right all the time? Never, but one thing I know; Jesus will never lead me astray. He is the only One worthy of me swallowing His every word.
See, with Jesus I do not have to worry about Him manipulating me through some worship music and judging me if I don’t hoot and holler and run a round like the rest of the sheeple. (I have often wondered how many of those people were actually trying to impress the pastor) I don’t have to worry about Jesus thinking my husband is not spiritual if my husband worships quietly in the silence of his heart. (More marriages are ruined because of that kind of thing; when a woman starts comparing her husband to the pastor–I’ve seen it more than once. I’ve seen marriages break up on account of it.) I don’t have to worry if I’m making a good impresion on the preacher or those within the body. Frankly, I just don’t care.
It took me years to get to this point. Many many years and months of lonliness and rejection can take a toll on you. BUT, it was God Who never left me. It was God whose fellowhip I had. It was His voice I learned to hear in the quietness of my bed at night. Sometimes I didn’t like what He had to say. Like when He started telling me to forgive those who had hurt me. That one took some time, but He is faithful and it has been his grace that has brought me this far.
I am accountable to God and God alone. I make myself accountable to my husband for the simple fact that I took my marriage vow seriously in “obeying him.” Sometimes not an easy one just because our personalities are so different. But never-the-less, because I know he loves me like Christ loves the church and that his heart for me is good, therefore I am able to submit. There are some on this blog–you know who you are–who I also trust your heart for me. From such I would never shut the door on a rebuke or correction. Simply because I know your heart for me is good and not of evil and manipulation.
So for anyone out there who may be struggling on account of coming out of false doctrine or some church that has abused you, know this: Jesus is the good Shepherd. No one else ever died for you, let alone pay the penalty for your sin. No one on this whole earth is worthy of your admiration and devotion like He is. He loves you with a jealous love. His desire for you is good and not for evil. He longs to know you during this time greater than you can know. Trust in Him and truly cast all your cares upon HIM for He cares for you. Trust Him now. Especially now, because the day is coming when no man, teaching, doctrine or church will sustain you. Only Jesus can and will.