Are these parents wrong? I think so.

More than once, I have had loved ones on ventilators. It is not an easy thing. Sometimes doctors will tell the family  there is no hope. In some cases there is not, and in other cases, God proves the doctor wrong. Such as in my mother’s case. We were once told to, “go home and make arrangements.”  Funeral arrangements, that is. We all went home devasted, each praying in our own way for God to have mercy. I had a prayer meeting that night and brothers and sisters in the Lord braved a winter storm and came to my house to pray. Nothing changed. No improvement. Until that one day. I was at the hospital early in the morning so I could catch the doctor and talk to him. A friend had come up to sit with me. I got upset seeing my mother like that day after day. I walked out of the room and then had to leave the hospital. I walked home in the snow. Not a long walk, but long enough to calm down.

No sooner had I walked in the door, when my friend called me to tell me the doctor had come in and said Mom was improving.

God was merciful and brought my mother back home to us a few days later.

My family and I did not allow doctors to take her off the ventilator, even when they told us there was no hope. We clung to a hope none of us could explain.

But what about the case below? A 28 year old woman lays with brain cancer, begging to let her parents let her die. Her parents refuse saying it is suicide to let her die. Really? Suicide? I don’t think so.

When government healthcare takes over, we all may  be looking at these kind of scenarios. As Christians do we force our beliefs on a loved one? What if that loved one is a Christian? Should we not allow them to make that choice themself, if they are able? What if they are lost and we just are not sure where they stand with God? Then what?

Most of us would cling to life if we were not sure where a loved one would spend eternity. We want that one last time to tell them the Gospel, that one last time to present truth to them in such a way where we hope they choose Jesus as Savior. Yet, how can any of us be for certain of who goes where when they leave this earth? Only God knows. Still, we desire to see that none of them perish, but come to everlasting life through Jesus, THE Lord and Savior of all mankind.

Yes, I do believe we will be forced to face these kind of things down the road. My personal thought: it is wrong to force someone into living in such a way if they choose differently. It does not mean I would help them with suicide: I would never hand anyone a gun or a bottle of pills and tell them to end their life. However, if that person made it clear to me, they were ready to leave this earth, then I would let them go. Yes, let them go. Sometimes, that is the correct way of looking at death. Sooner or later we have to let go. We have to be willing to trust God. If my loved one is able to tell me they are tired, having fought the good fight as well as possible, I have to believe that. I have to let them go. If my loved one is able to tell me they want to live, then I will do everything in my power to see they live. If they are not able to tell me one thing or another, then I will choose life and put my hope in God. Where else can I go?

Article gotten here:

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/paralyzed-terminally-ill-patient-fight-death-article-1.1174383#ixzz28MMF4RZD

UPDATE: Grace Sung Eun Lee has now changed her mind and wants to live.

My thoughts in green

She is paralyzed from the neck down, tethered to breathing and feeding tubes — but Manhattan bank manager Grace Sung Eun Lee still managed to mouth four words Wednesday.

“I want to die.”

Doctors are trying to honor Lee’s wish, but her devout parents believe that removing the tubes is suicide — a sin that would condemn the 28-year-old to hell.

I believe this is wrong. To believe it is always God’s will to force one to be hooked up on tubes or you will go to hell, is wrong. It makes God look like a sadistic monster. His word says, “My grace is sufficient.” That would include being off life support as well as on, if one chose.

They’ve gone to court to keep the terminally ill brain-cancer patient on life support, turning a heartbreaking family tragedy into a right-to-die legal battle.

The case has put medical ethics and religion on a collision course, with lawyers arguing in two courtrooms while the patient at the center of the fight can do little more than blink her eyes.

“The thought of her dying, my heart tremors, everything goes black,” Grace’s father, prominent Queens pastor the Rev. Manho Lee, pleaded to a judge.

Her mother, Jin-ah Lee, does not believe her always dutiful daughter has given up on life — or that her death is inevitable.

“Despite all this confusion, she wants to go to heaven,” she told the Daily News. “I keep telling her she can get better. God’s going to save you.”

It is easy for someone else to say these kind of things when they are not the one suffering.

The congregation at Antioch Missionary Church is praying for Grace, who mentored young people. The day after the Korea Times wrote about the case, a Korean church group took out an ad that declared: “Giving up life is not the will of God.”

I must say, I find this statement arrogant. Once again, so easy to say if you are not the one suffering. There does come a time when God calls us home. Some are taken in a flash. Others are given time. When/if it looks hopeless, who is to tell anyone who is suffering in such a way, to hang on? IF you have reached the end where all you have to depend upon is medical equipment, then perhaps, perhaps that is God telling that person He has done all He is going to do in that particular situation. Is it so wrong for a person to want to let go? Something to think about.

Lee’s Korean immigrant parents say she is depressed and not in her right mind.

“We believe that our daughter is really heavily medicated and unable to make her own decisions,” her father said Wednesday.

No doubt, this does happen many times. Doctors keep patients drugged up and then a family member has to be able to discern what is going on. As loving family members, we have to be aware of this and we can not allow the effect of drugs to dictate the actions of our loved one. I suggest if there comes tiome where you are faced with this, first try and get your loved one off any mind-altering drug before you go along with any decision. 

But her doctors at Long Island’s North Shore Hospital say she’s competent and has made her wishes clear.

“She is very tearful when she thinks about dying, but she consistently asks that the breathing tube be removed and she begs us to do that,” Dr. Dana Lustbader, chief of palliative medicine at North Shore, testified at an emergency hearing last week.

Before last fall, Lee was a vibrant young woman who came here from Seoul as an eighth-grader and graduated from the University of North Carolina.

A Month to Live

I lost a dear friend a few weeks back. She was my Chiopracter. We did not talk on the phone every day. Nor did we see each other outside of my doctor visits to her. But, when we did see one another, it was always a good time and most of the time, a time of fellowship. She was not intimidated by my personality, as some. She could get by with humoring me and still knew when to take me serious. She laughed a lot and her smile is something I will always remember. Before I met her, I felt my life was destined for a lifetime of physical pain. Not having much hope in Chiopracters, hearing they were quacks all of my life, I gave her a shot. Karen was no quack. She cared greatly about her patients. She was never in a big hurry to scoot you out of the office. She listened well and more than once prayed with me. She gave me hope that I would not have to live the rest of my life in pain.

It had been a while seen I had seen her last. Well over a year. It was a surprise to me when my husband reading the newspaper, told me, “You had another friend to die.” I could not believe it. Who? How? What? When? She was one of the most healthy people I knew. She took care of her body, ate all the right foods, exercised, had no bad habits, etc.

I was able to find out she had just found out she had liver Cancer and was sent home with a month to live. She lived two weeks.

Knowing her as I did, I can only try and imagine what the last two weeks of her life were like. I doubt very much she was concerned about the things of this world. Other than for her children and husband and those closest to her. I imagine she was thinking more on the things of God. Not being overcome by the things of the world, not looking at world events. Other than knowing she was going to be taken home and would not have to live in this strange and foreign land any longer. She probably did a lot of praying for her family and friends. I can only hope I was one who may have been on her heart, even if for but a few seconds.

I began to ponder on my own life. What if I were told I had two weeks to live? Would it make any difference? I’ve heard people say that if they knew they had a few months or so to live they would visit someplace they have always wanted to go, go back to a place they always loved, go on a cruise, etc.

I thought about those things and came to the conclusion there really is not one place I would like to visit or anything I would try to do. It takes energy, stamina and strength to even begin doing those things. I have none due to poor health. None of the health issues in and of themselves life threatening, but combined can make every day life chores and events hard. Sometimes causing life to appear empty and void of any meaning.

A few days after Karen’s death, I began to notice  a change taking place in me. Something in me had began to die. A calm, a quiet resolve began to settle in. I had been terribly angry over world events. Terribly bitter and unforgiving towards those who had hurt me the past few years. I had been searching out world events daily so I could know what was going on. Feeling a huge repsonsibility to shout from the rooftops of the evil coming through government and any and all aspects of society.

After Karen’s death, I began to not care  – much. I began to see how the past four years had robbed me of so much. Being physically weak can and does rob a person of certain joys in life. A few days into my grief of Karen’s death, I reached a point where if I could not do anything different, at least I could stop handing my emotions over to the things I can not control.

I got the Shingles four years ago about this time http://redeemedhippiesplace.wordpress.com/2009/01/13/what-was-the-deal-with-job-2/ and it was not a nice time. Before Karen’s death, I had gotten myself back into the same state of mind as I had four years ago: As a dog returns to his own vomit, So a fool repeats his folly. — Proverbs:26:11 –

It is folly when a person does not learn the lesson God has in front of them. I sensed I was about to have to repeat that lesson again.  No, I am not saying God gave me the Shingles to teach me a lesson. Staying upset constantly can make one sick in one way or the other. Tearing down our bodies defenses. Having the Shingles did teach me a few things, but I had forgotten. I guess sometimes it takes a certain amount of pain — in one way or the other — for some of us to learn. But, I thank God, at least I did not have to experience that particular painful malady again.

I also had asked a brother in Christ and his family to pray for me. I did not go into details other than telling him that I was angry. I trust that he and his family did began to pray for me. It was not long after that, I received the news of Karen’s death.

I began to see that most if not all my life had been of constant striving. Not of material things, as I am probably one of the least materislistic people you would ever meet. Not one of competiveness, as I’ve just not cared for that sort of thing. I much rather would spend time alone on creating something than competing. I ‘ve not strived towards goals as I am not goal oriented. Never have been and don’t see myself ever going there. Probably has more to do with my being led by emotions in almost everything I do. If I don’t feel like doing it, then I don’t do it. Not a good thing, but never-the-less, it is who I am. I really I’ve not strived to “be somebody” important. Not being one who is easily impressed, I don’t spend my life trying to impress others. That is why if you happened to run into me in public, you probably would see me in sweat pants and a T-shirt with no make-up. Those who truly know me, know these things are true.

Having said all that… the thing I have strived for has been peace of mind. I probably can count on one hand how many times I have had it and I can tell you, it was short lived. As soon as I thought I found it, then something came along and unhinged me. Sicknesses of family members, aging parents, dying parents, loved ones in nursing homes, loved ones with Alztimers, family problems, world events, etc. I literally would stop living. Taking on emotions I had no control over. Sadness, anxiety, fear, grief, etc. More than once, I felt like Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz who told the wizard, “I don’t think you have anything in that little black bag for me.” Which led to self-pity, that led to shame for feeling ungrateful for what you do have! What a vicious cycle.

I wish I could tell you I found the secret to peace of mind. But I haven’t. I do know the Word of God says:

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You. — Isaiah 26:3 –

That right there tells me that should be enough. It is hard to have peace if our eyes are on the world and things of the world. I can not do it anymore. I simply can not. If you are my friend and know me, then please be happy for me if I can not do this any longer. It takes too much energy, strength and stamina. I don’t have it to spend on such things. I long for that peace of God in all things.

We do not know how much time we have on this earth. A year ago, this coming October, I had a friend who went in the hosptail thinking she was going to get to come home. But she died just a couple of days later. http://redeemedhippiesplace.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/in-memory-of-ellen-another-redeemed-hippie/ Now, there is my friend Karen, who was given a month, but had only two weeks. I want to learn to live as if I had no tomorrow. God help me and may God help you, whoever you may be.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6,7 –

In Memory of Ellen — Another Redeemed Hippie

I will miss you, my friend. You were a beautiful person. A faithful friend – a sister I will always remember for your loyalty, mercy, kindness, tenderness, love, convictions and friendship.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. — Proverbs 27:17 –

A friend is one who stands to share
Your every touch of grief and care.
He comes by chance, but stays by choice;
Your praises he is quick to voice.

No grievous fault or passing whim
Can make an enemy of him.
And though your need be great or small,
His strength is yours throughout it all.

No matter where your path may turn
Your welfare is his chief concern.
No matter what your dream may be
He prays your triumph soon to see.

There is no wish your tongue can tell
But what it is your friend’s as well.
The life of him who has a friend
Is double-guarded to the end. — Edgar Guest –

You were there for me by Erin Porter

Words escape me
at this moment
that seems like the end
yet it is only the beginning
when friendships are close
and dreams are far
you were there for me.
Tears fill me
with memories of both good and bad
some nearly forgetton
yet all dear to the heart
you were there for me.
In times of trouble
and in times of thanks
you stood by my side
and held me up.
Through your ever-patient ears
to your comforting hugs
you were there for me.
From that first day
when I saw you and knew
that you would love me for who I was
you were there for me.
And until the day
when we are old and gray
I will always know that
you are there for me.

Getting rid of the stuff and picking up the Banner

Many of us are grieving over the death of our dear brother; David Wilkerson. Sad for us that he is gone, but blessed is he who I believe is with the Lord. The last of his kind in his generation has left us.

Recently, the last American soldier from world war one died. I wept that day seeing how the words in Ecclesiastes are so true:

One generation passes away, and another generation comes; but the earth abides forever. — Ecclesiastes 1:4 –

Generation after generation has died off from the beginning of time. Even the memory of them passes away at some point. Gone and forgotten. 

Many of us have dealt with death in many ways. Watching loved ones pass on, leaving us to go through their things and trying to decide what to do with their belongings. Being a sentimental person most of my life, I have always clung to their stuff — feeling I would be dishonoring their memory if I got rid of any of it. But whether through poor health or perhaps God’s grace – I have learned — it was their stuff, their memories. Not mine. I was trying to keep it alive by clinging to it.

God began to deliver me from this yoke when a very precious sister in the Lord saw all my stuff in the basement a few years ago and kindly told me, “This is not healthy.” My eyes were opened and I began to get rid of the things I had accumulated over decades. I am still going through and getting rid of — stuff. What once were little treasures are nothing more than stuff taking up space in need of either occassional cleaning or forgotten in some bit of clutter. Either way, it is useless to me. In not having children, there is no one to hand things down to, so I give it to others. But, most people do not want my stuff. LOL!

When my mother passed away over a year ago, there were a lot of things to go through. I kept what I could use and slowly let go of what I could not. I took her clothes, cut them up and made rag blankets for my siblings and gave them to them at Christmas. That was one way I wanted to keep her memory alive for them.

I am convinced we are to let go of stuff and move on. For many of us, it will mean letting go of those things that have hindered us from going forward. I speak for myself, and perhaps I am the only one — but there has been much anger, bitterness, unforgiveness in me for some time. Some health related, some personal family issues, etc. No matter — we all have stuff that has stopped the flow of God’s Spirit in us.

I have an ancestor who survived Andersonville prison during the civil war. It is said that his family did not recognize him after being released. How many of us have been held bondage to the point where no one would ever guess we were Christians because of the chains that have held us; because of the treatment of our tormentors?

Sadly and ashamedly, I am one. I speak to you honestly. BUT, He (God) who began a good work in me, is faithful to complete it. If you are one of these wounded soldiers, He too is faithful to complete the good work He began in you.

I know how hard it is to forgive, to let go of bitterness and resentment. But we must. How do we do it? We don’t. We let God come in and break those areas that we have held unto. We let His Spirit comfort us when we have been hurt. But all too many times we try to heal our own wounds and we do it by building a fortress around ourselves. Before we know it, we become just like those who have treated us wrongly. Because we did not entrust God with our suffering and trusted in ourselves, we become just like our offenders.

The annointing is what breaks these yokes. Not how-to books, or prayer clothes, or any number of gimmicks within the apostate church. It is the annointing of an all powerful and loving God.

Couple weeks ago, I was stewing and simmering over something that had been done to me in the past few months. My heart was cold as ice and hard as stone. The Word of God (which had been hidden) rose up in my heart and said, “confess your sins to one another and be healed.”  Not really wanting to — because I felt justified in my anger — but out of what was somewhat a defiant obediance, I called my sister in the Lord and began to spew out all that was in me. I held nothing back: the anger, the bitterness, the hurt, the rage, the pain. She listened patiently, not saying a word, no giving of advice. After letting me vent, she prayed. No shouting at devils to flee. None of that claiming and demanding anything. She simply talked to our Father on my behalf. It was then that I was able to see where I had been blind. I was able to feel what was right instead of the rage and hatred. The voices that had been lying to me telling me you have such a right to be angry, were gone! I was set free right on the spot. I went to bed that night with no thoughts of anger and unforgiveness for the first time since November.

Like Paul, I can say concerning all that I had been clinging to:

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. — Phillipians 3: 13,14 –

What to do now? What does it look like to go on, forgetting those things which are behind? To actually reach forth unto the things before? I’m not certain of this. But like my ancestor walking out of Andersonville prison before me, the chains are off, I am no longer a prisoner. Yeah, I’m a little dusty and dirty. One usually is after being in bondage. But it is God who does the cleaning up and sets the crooked places straight.

Still, there is a banner to be picked up. I have one and you have one. What is your banner and who are you to carry it to? Is your banner one of proclaiming God’s mercy? Then pick it up and carry it to those who are in need of mercy! Is it one of warning, then take it to those who are perishing! Perhaps your banner is something what the world (and even the church) would call simple and not note-worthy: One of helping an elderly person make it to the restroom in a nursing home. No one but God sees that one. Or sitting with the sick all night long in a hospital, holding the hand of one who is dying. Oh what precious banners are these! Holding and offering the banner of eternal life to those nearing the end of their life. Is not love the greatest gift! 

Whatever your banner, I do not think you can pick it up until you truly let go of the stuff you are clinging to. If you are hurting, cling to the One who loves your soul the greatest. He desires to see you free.

Let’s get rid of the stuff! Let’s help one another get rid of the stuff, restoring one another in a spirit of meekness lest we fall.

Just as generation after generation passes on, ours too will pass on. Yet, we are not of the forsaken and the unforgotten.  

Lift up a banner on the high mountain, raise your voice to them; wave your hand, that they may enter the gates of the nobles. — Isaiah 13:2 –

Yes! There are many to still enter the gates!

Wayfaring Stranger

Psalm 151

I’ve never been one who particularly liked the T.V. show Touched by an Angel. (I prefer action, not something that pulls at my heart strings.) Not to say, I found it misleading. However, this one particular episode was the one episode I remember all these years. It is my favorite scene, probably of all T.V series.

You can watch the first four parts if you wish, but I will give you a brief synoposis. A little boy is dying. His mother (Wynonna Judd) is a song writer and has had a writer’s block. One of the little boy’s last wishes before he dies, is that she will finish a song she had started.

She finally does finish the song and gets the whole neighborhood to sing it with her while her son listens. He dies while the song is being sung. The angel looks over at this mother and gives her a look of he’s gone. What I found moving is she keeps singing. You know her heart is breaking, yet she continues to sing. Is this not true worship to God? To sing, rejoice and worship even during the worst and saddest of times?  

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said:

“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD.” — Job 1:20,21 –

May God teach us to be true worshippers in spirit and in truth. Something tells me there is pain and suffering involved. But is it not such a small price to pay in order to honor the God who has given us eternal life? May we learn how to suffer so we can worship Him in spirit and truth.

When you can’t be sure where that loved one is

“Mama, are you going to die tonight?”
“No, not tonight.”
“What about Daddy? Is he going to die tonight?”
“No.”
“When? When are you all going to die?”
“Doll Baby, we all have to die sometime. But Daddy and I are not going to die tonight. Hush, now. Go to sleep. I’m here.”

Every night it was the same conversation. Each time, my mother was patient sitting on my bedside, waiting for me to go to sleep before she left the room.

I was just a babe back then and outgrew her bedtime assurances. But the fear of her death haunted me all my life.

If I had only thought to ask my mother the same questions the last time I saw her back in October. Could she have told me? Would she have told me she was getting ready to die?

For months, I have asked myself where is my mother? Night time; bedtime is the worst time. I see her face and remember her voice, laughter and oh there is so much I remember. I can no longer pick up the phone and hear her voice giving me that instant assurance that she is alright. Where is she, God?

Painful words to have to speak – but I say them anyway — for they are true; the day will come when it will not matter to me where she is. 

But for now, it is a type of torment to wonder where a loved one is after leaving this earth. See, a few weeks before she died, she and I were talking about the things of God. Well, at least I was trying to. She had brought the subject up and I tried to take it to salvation. She was getting irritated. And even told me, “Maybe, I’m going to hell.” She said it kind of angry and kind of bitter. I felt something like ice go through me and a wall went up. How Lord do I respond to this? I had no words. So we dropped the subject.

I did not know what she knew at the time…that her heart was at 40 percent capacity. I did not know the things she must have had on her mind. But God knew. No doubt, she was afraid and she was preparing to meet her Maker. She was not sounding a trumpet. It was as personal as the God she believed in. Most of her generation is like that: strong, silent, independent and determined.

We had talked many times over the past few years about salvation. She knew it was not church that saved anyone. She knew it was not being good enough that gave you entrance to heaven. She knew it was not having your name on a membership roll. She knew all these things. She knew that it was what Jesus did on the cross.

My mother was not someone I could fellowship with. The God she believed in was a personal God. As a precious sister pointed out to me: Our parent’s generation belief in God was personal. They didn’t sound trumpets. They just believed. 

I’m glad my mother did not have to contend with false teachers of the past few decades. She would have been believing in a jesus contrary to the Word of God. She knew a phony when she saw one and no way would she have acted a fool by getting drunk in the spirit, barking like a dog, clucking like a chicken, smoking the Holy Ghost or trying to have her best life now. Surely, if she had been a follower of any of the modern day heretics, I would have some real cause of alarm. Her belief in God was simple:  Jesus died on a cross for us and we can only hope we go to heaven.  

More than once — in my self-righteousness – I would tell her, “But Mom, we can have full assurance.”  I understand now. I understand what she meant. Too many times, we take salvation for granted. 

We are told to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for myself, I’ve had some fear and trembling the past few months. Yet, still not enough or I would find it in myself to repent for every wrong thought or thing I do. Like my mother before me, I fall upon the mercy of God.

God is not a fair God. It was not fair that His only begotten Son had to die for MY sins. Yet, at the same time, God is a just God. He sees all and knows all. All through her life, He saw my mother’s heart. The past few months of her life, He knew what was in her. He saw how she was preparing herself to meet Him. Looking back, even I can see it now. If I had not been so wrapped up in what I believed was going to take place in the world at the time, I may have seen it then. But I didn’t see it and as one friend told me: “It was probably meant that way. If you had known, I don’t think you could have handled it.”

So, I lay in bed and wonder. I ask God, where is she? I get no answer. All I get is; when we see Him face to face we shall be like Him. That is when it will not matter to me anymore.

When we become just like Him, we will have the justice of God so ingrained in us that any preceived notions of what we believe to be right and wrong will no longer matter.

Did you know that in hell there is love? Yes, it is true. The rich man who asked Abraham to give him just a drop of water also begged him tell his loved ones about the place he was in. He loved them so such that he did not want them there with him!  

I have comforted myself the past few months in remembering the last few weeks of her life. A subtle change had taken place in her. She became kind of sweet. Kind of soft. She still had her days of not feeling well, days of being stubborn as a mule and spunky to the point that her children did not know how to deal with her, but it was if a part of her had resigned herself in trusting something greater than herself and greater than those around her.   

I have comforted myself the past few months in remembering not how good of a person my mother was. But in the fact that she knew the simple truth: Jesus is the perfect sacrifice.      

One thing I do know — no matter where she is — if she could speak to me, she would tell me: Tell them. Tell my children and all those who loved me the truth. Tell all of humanity. Tell them about Jesus. Tell them the truth.

Until that day, when I see my Savior and Redeemer face-to-face, I will always wonder where loved ones are, after they depart from this earth.  But until then, I continue to comfort myself with this thought: When I can not understand His hand, I will trust His heart.

His heart for my mother was this: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. — Jeremiah 29:11,12 –

I can not help but believe that the last few weeks of my mother’s life she called upon the Lord in ways that she never had before. She was a strong gutsy woman full of vim and vinegar. Yet, she reached a point in her life where nothing and no one else would do, but God. A place where we all will reach sooner or later. 

It has taken me months to write this. I still have not done the truth justice. Someday, when we see Him face-to-face, when we will be like Him, ALL things will be revealed. But until then, I will trust in Him. His ways are higher than mine and He is perfect in all of His ways. 

My mother was right. We have such a beautiful hope in God. His mercies are new every morning. Our life truly is but a vapor. Nothing really matters but the truth. The truth is God loved my mother, saw her heart in all things, knew her inside and out, and He IS a righteous judge of us all.

May God be exalted in times of grief!