After the death of my brother, on July 4th, I have gone through some changes. Some good and some not so good. Grief is a hard thing to deal with and I tend to be one who builds a cocoon of safety around myself. My family has become much more important to me and I seek solace along with them, with the cherished memories of our brother.
We have had the sad duty of finding out what to do with his belongings. Gods grace has been poured upon us during this time. A lot of families would be fighting with much friction in the air. Not so, with mine. My family and I have been a passionate bunch. Everything we do is hard. We play hard, we work hard, we laugh hard, we fight hard and we love hard.
We are respecting one another’s desires to grieve in the way each of us must, in order to move on with our lives. I believe if people allowed others during the time of grief, this freedom, they would find they will find a certain kind of peace, just in having that freedom.
For myself, I have taken my brothers clothes and will be making rag blankets with them and hope to have them done before Christmas, to give them to my siblings. I had done the same with our mothers clothes and I get great comfort in doing this kind of thing.
One of the last things my brother said to me before his heart attack, was, “Brenda, when you let people like that get to you, they win.” He was talking about my anger issues I have with lies and corruption and certain individuals in politics and the false teachers within the Church. I knew when he said it, it was the truth, yet, I did not grasp hold of it. Not until, I saw him suffering and just days left with us.
Yes, I still get angry over such matters, but can not allow myself to focus on all of the garbage that I can do very little about. I am finding relationships are much more important than my opinion on things. I know of people, sick and with Cancer and it makes me sad. Nothing I can do about that either. Yet, I will try and spend my emotions on those things, instead of the things of the world which have driven me quite nuts at times.
This blog, where is it going? I don’t know. I just know, that I think it is time I did something different than what I have basically done the past five years. I can not do it, anymore. If it makes me “weak” in some of your eyes,then so be it. I don’t have the energy to even care.
I want to be able to tell Good News, as is called of me. Sadly, it has taken my brothers suffering and death, to bring this home to me. Please be in prayer as to what God wants, not I. Even then, I still do not trust myself at all in the matter.
If you still are popping in every now and then, I want to thank you for your support of this blog for the past five years. God watch between you and me while we are absent from one another.
Brenda (AKA Redeemed Hippie)