From Troll to Saint

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“Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit”,  says Lord of Hosts — Zechariah 4:6 —

The word troll — which I find repulsive — is used among homosexual men to describe themselves or one another, as age approaches, or as a way to describe those who go after sex partners.

My brother used it as slang for getting old. “I’m nothing but an old troll, now,” he would joke. However, I never laughed, telling him he was more than that.

We both were looking forward to being around for one another when we hit 60 years old. He, just 14 months younger than I. Our birthdays two months apart, our mother would have one birthday party between us when we were children.

Ricky and I spent time talking about aging. The pros and cons. Pro, being able to watch a movie or something and watching it again, not remembering it the first time, and finding it as a brand new event. Pro, reaching the age of knowing who true friends were. Pro, just being grateful we lived as long as we have, because some of our friends had already passed on. The biggest pro was being hopeful that age had made us a little wiser and not as stupid, as in our younger days.

The cons being how it sucked watching our bodies give in to the natural aging process, when a part of us still felt like we were in our 20s and early 30s. We joked about skin tags, getting out of breath, my having hair where once I didn’t. He loved that one! My losing bladder control when I got tickled, was his favorite and he would purposely do and say funny things, just so he could stand back to watch it happen!

Our joking about it, was our way of dealing with reality. I still let the aging process get to me more than he did. He used to tell me, “Well, Brenda, whadda Ya gonna do? You can either cry about it or laugh.” When he was around, I was laughing about it, because he had such an optimistic disposition.

So, when he started calling himself an old troll because of a skin tag here or there, it saddened me. He was no troll, in my eyes. He was my brother who had been so many things to me, during our life together.

The past two years, he began to change. He had mellowed out. As sick as he was, he enjoyed spending time with family. Especially with our baby sister — who the two of them had a very special connection, for which I was never envious, but glad — and her family, enjoying her swimming pool, sun bathing, wanting to be with her two little twin grandsons. He would visit our other brother and his family, and he would visit me. I began to see him as a true patriarch of the family. Caring deeply for each member. So much so, that it really did put me to shame. I had lost patience in some areas, but Ricky still hung in there, with a heart of love, whereas, mine was waxing cold, impatient, very little mercy flowing out of me. But Ricky, he was a type of plumb line for me.

I looked upon him with a sense of awe. He was changing, wanting to know about the things of God. He came to me for that and I was just real with him, telling him my failings, etc. explaining to him, I know I’m rotten to the core, and only Jesus makes me worth anything because of His work in the cross.

I had bought him a Bible years ago, but like so many people, he never liked to read, so if he ever read it, I don’t know. But, he would want to know what scripture had to say about certain things and the end times. He listened with eager ears as I read him parts of it. Then, we would discuss it.

He went from being apathetic and cold towards Israel, to curious, accepting, loving and watching it, as God’s time table for events in the world. He would call me asking what I thought about certain events. He went to work saying, “I think we are in the last days”. He was not parroting me, he really believed. Some listened to him in agreement and I could see it excited him.

I found myself trembling every time we got to talk about Biblical things! You see, many years ago, when we both were in the prime of our youth, full of strength and vitality, he was hostile even at the mere mention of God or the Bible. Contrary to what some of you may believe, I was never a “Bible Thumper”, carrying a Bible the size of a watermelon around on my hip, with one finger extended, crying out, “Repent, thou foul sinner!” Neither, was I one to think I was better than my brother. We both knew things about each other. We both knew the other had never been an angel. We had that much in common, thank God! He also knew I was not the same woman, he remembered as in our younger days.

He would mock me or ridicule me at times. I know brothers can be a pain in the butt that way, and sometimes a sister just has to suck it up. I tried to keep a low profile around him, hoping he wouldn’t notice me, but when our eyes met, I knew I was in for it, because mischievousness  twinkled in his eyes! However, sometimes, something in him would go to the extreme and at times, I found it very hurtful. I had done nothing to ever reject him or his friends, but something in him, had fun in doing it to me. Honestly? It was nothing more than demonic. It just made me love him more, as aggravated as I could get.

A month or so before his heart attack, he called to tell me he was watching some preacher on TV. My first inward reflex was, “Oh great. Wonder who THAT is. Now, I’m going to have to contend with a false teacher.”

I asked who it was and it was local. He told me what the sermon was about. He said it felt like it was being said to him. I don’t remember now what it was, but upon hearing it, I found it to be good not only for Ricky, but myself as well. So it gave us the opportunity to discuss God’s Word together.

Understand, he went from a man who had been hostile toward the things of God, to a man who in a quiet humble sort of way, was hungering and thirsting for truth. So much so, that one day, out of nowhere, he told me, “I’ve come to believe I was not born gay, but chose it.”

I gently agreed with him. He said as much as he had enjoyed life, he wished he could have done some things differently. I assured him, everybody can say that for themselves, I know I can.

I told him this about him being gay. Maybe not word for word, not all in one moment, but at one time or the other, as he was the one who always brought the subject up, not I: “God created you in His image, Ricky. He put certain traits, abilities, gifts, talents in you while you were still in Mom’s womb. He made you a sensitive little boy, not a sissy like others and myself teased, but one who was curious, adventurous, creative. Whereas you liked to learn to bake cookies and learning to sew, I would rather have been out playing G.I. Joe with the boys or climbing trees. I think this sometimes happens, Ricky. I think sometimes when God makes a little boy who is sensitive, etc., the devil sees it and comes to that little boy at a young age and whispers a lie in his little ears. The child, not knowing any better, begins to believe it. Shoot, Ricky, I wanted to please Dad so much, that I acted tough just so he would think I was strong, when all along I was really afraid.”

Example, Dad would tell Ricky and me that he would give a dime to whoever went out to the garage at night time to turn off the lights. I would do it, terrified of any boogie man that might be waiting. Ricky, on the other hand, would tell me, “It wasn’t worth a dime to me.” We laughed about that, even up to the last month of his life!

Ricky had become more gentle, patient, even edifying to me, as the things of the world were enraging me. Right before his heart attack, he had told me to let things go. As much as I wanted, I did not know how. Yet, admiring that thing in him, that truly was putting me to shame.

Ricky was a neat freak, a perfectionist. When he did a job, he did it well, with a type of professionalism, whether it was landscaping, painting, selling Home Interior, etc. That would spill over into his personal visits, when he would say things like, “Girl, when did you run the vacuumn cleaner last?” Or, “I can’t believe you haven’t washed your dishes.” Use to irratate the snot out of me and I would snap back, “Well, did you come to see me or the house?” Or, “If I had known you were coming, I would have hired a maid.” Brothers. You gotta love them.

But, he stopped doing that the past couple years. Something changed. Perhaps he saw I wasn’t feeling well, or perhaps his priorities were changing, taking more pleasure in just being around me, instead of finding fault.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed it. We all noticed it.

We talked about what it meant to be born again. About the deep things of God. I told him Salvation was quite simple, really. Man and religion make it a hard complex thing, when in reality it is desiring God to change who we are, knowing that we all are sinners and allowing and accepting what Jesus did for us on the Cross. Repentance meaning just  turning around, knowing we have been forgiven and allowing God to do the work in us, because we can’t.

The last month of his life, he mentioned something about maybe wanting to get baptized. He brought it up, not I. He spoke well of the young preacher he was watching and asked me to watch it with him on Sunday mornings, then he would call and we would discuss the sermon. Oh, how I loved those times. Forever precious to me.

I got to see what few people get to witness. I got to see an awesome God who knew everything about my brother, loved him throughout his life, even at the darkest of times and never once stopped loving him or gave up on him.

Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance. — Matthew 3:8 —

I got to see those fruits. My brother may have thought he was nothing more than a “troll”, but God through His Spirit, changed him to a Saint.

Don’t give up on that loved one. If God can do this for my loved one, He can do it for you!










Are you a Moth or a Cock Roach?



The other day I responded to something on a social media comment. There had been unmerciful mocking gossiping towards an individual with some real issues who I did not know. I used the Word of God in hoping to bring light and truth in this person’s defense. Instead I was attacked and mocked, so I shook the dust off my feet and moved on. I must admit, however, I had gotten a little snarky in telling the mocking stranger how to spell the word Heroin.

The thought came to me: How can someone not love your Word, Lord? It just seems so foreign to me. But then again, I was probably one of the most naïve of all people when the internet first came along. It showed me how sheltered my life had been, and shock, not everyone thought like I did. To my great surprise — and it was a surprise — not everybody had the same thoughts or attitude. I never considered my life to be sheltered, having friends from all walks of life at stages in my life. However, the proof was, I had somewhat been sheltered.

I found out not everybody loved God. Not everybody believed in God. Those who surprised me the most were those who said they did not believe in Him, yet could be vicious in attacking Him. That still makes no sense to me. I don’t believe in the tooth fairy, so you will not find me attacking her as there is no need for me to attack something I do not believe exists. Even our Atheist friend does not attack God when we spend time together. But I digress.

Having shaken the dust off my feet, as I have learned not to let certain things bother me like I once did, I began to see the cockroach who when you turn on the light, they flee back to the dark.  I’ve done written about this: so I will not repeat myself. The stranger who I responded to confessed to believing in God in her public information. But her words showed me she did not have a clue about Him.

The Lord reminded me, it was not me this stranger attacked, but Him. That attack was nothing compared to what my Savior went through for me. For some reason, I began to think of a moth. It’s a pesky little matter to have a moth flittering around a light when I’m trying to read a book or whatever. The moth is not actually bothering me, it is just distracting me as for some reason it wants to gather around the light.

I began to remember of time long gone of many beautiful times of fellowship gathered around the Word of God. That’s what it was like. Moths around a light! The Light being the Word of God to us.

Now days, there is much darkness. Even those who do not profess God, can look around and see that things are crazy at times. Decent people do not go around playing knock-out games, stealing and lying, hurting little children in all manner of perversions, etc. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. You don’t have to be a Christian to be decent enough to see that. I have seen so much evil, wickedness and ungodliness, it baffles my mind. Good things are now being called evil and evil things are now being called good. It is so backwards! But for those of us who know the Light, we know we have been told:

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;
Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! — Isaiah 5:20 —

So, it should be no surprise to us. Yet, it is sometimes. The Light exposes so much. The days are going to grow even more dark. Will you be a cockroach and hide in the dark or will you be a moth and gather around the light — letting the Light expose what needs to be exposed in order for you to see and know the Truth of that which is being done in the dark? Are you willing to let that Light expose what is in your own heart?

You don’t have to be a huge blazing torch to unsettle the things in the dark. Even if your light is that of a tiny little match, it is still enough light to expose the darkness.

And I must say, the next time I see a moth flittering about a lamp when I am trying to read, I will not jump up and swat it! I will let it be, letting it remind me of: Your word is a lamp to my feet  And a light to my path. — Psalm 119:105 

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” — John 8:12 —

Such beautiful words to me! Thank You, Lord, for Your light or else I would be overcome with darkness!

The true taste of humble pie is sweet

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humblepiefunnyRecently, we had a storm here that brought some heavy winds. We had our porch awning replaced a few months back and the people who put it on, did it incorrectly. I knew when they left, it was not up to par, but went on against my better judgment and trusted them anyway. Perhaps if it had not been during the same time when my husband had gone to the hospital with what we thought may have been a heart attack, I would have been much more vocal. Instead — being anxious about my husband’s health — I let the issue go unresolved.

I finally got around to call them a few weeks back and they told me they would send someone by to look at it, but they never did.

The day of the on approaching storm, I told my husband that awning was going to get blown off. Sure enough, it did. Late at night, Bam, bam, bam, as the wind hit it violently. I ranted about it on face book, telling others not to use this company. By the next morning, it was hanging by two thin strips of aluminum. I was mad. Mad at the people who did not do the job correctly and mad at myself for letting them get by with it.

I had my husband call them and tell them about it, as I did not trust my tongue at all. My husband, being the diplomatic one, called them, leaving them a message. He waited around a while but then went on and took the dogs for their walk. It was during this time, they called and I had to answer the phone. I more or less, repeated everything my husband told them, following his example. Because if it had been left to me… oh well, thank God, it wasn’t, and I thank God I have a husband who is natured the way he is.

The man told me someone would come that day. He kept his word and he and his father came to the house. My husband was on the defense, finding friendly things to talk about, while I was on the offense, firmly addressing the issue. Once I saw they were just hard working guys wanting to make an honest living, willing to fix their mistake, we took them around back to look at our porch to see if we could give them our business there in covering it somehow so water/snow would not damage it. The son was explaining the procedure to me as his father and my husband were having pleasant conversation. The men had been very accommodating and gracious towards me. Even as I was on the offense. When we got done, I apologized to him and his father for being so harsh. We both parted looking forward to doing business with one another. I went back on face book and told everybody I was WRONG and by all means, do use this company.

The next time you find yourself eating humble pie, pay attention to the way it tastes. Is it sweet or bitter?

I think it’s only bitter, if your desire to be right is more important than the truth. I think it is bitter, if you resent being shown you are wrong.

The taste is sweet when it helps you see the truth. And truth being what it is — that which sets free — sets free both parties.

Things my Dogs teach me: Spending time with the Master

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I’ve never been much of a morning person. Just ask my family, or an old roomate or my husband. Over the years they would have more than likely said, “Leave her alone in the morning.” “Don’t even ask her to pass the salt.” “She might bite your head off.” They would be correct. Being a night owl at one time, I found mornings the least favorite time of the day.

However, that was then, some years ago. I don’t know if it has something to do with my body aging or not, but I find, all in all I don’t need as much sleep as I once did. I now find myself waking before the break of dawn. I suppose it may be a selfish thing, but I still like to be left pretty much alone until I actually wake up.

I notice the very first thing Dixie and Dolly do when they wake up, is come to me. They know I stop what I am doing to give them their morning lovings. Not only that, but I get morning lovings from them. When I bend down to pet them, they usually go into an instant submissive stance, rolling over, showing me their little bellies, waiting to be rubbed.  All that matters to the three of us, is that moment.

I think God wants us to be like that towards Him — that we desire Him first and above all. The very first thing we are to think of when we wake up is not the cares of the world, but Him. We are to automatically let Him be in our thoughts, desiring to run to Him, loving Him, receiving His love and yes, even rolling over in an act of submission to Him.

Could there be anything wrong with taking time to worship God in the morning? In the stillness of the morning, before the day begins, should not our first words be, “Not my will, but Yours, Oh God?”

During the activities of my day, my dogs will come to me for affection, attention, etc. I don’t always stop what I am doing, but God is always ready to listen, to spend time with us, to make our path straight, if we acknowledge Him.

Be still, and know that I am God;… Psalm 46:10 —

Please, if anyone finds any leaven in the following, please fell free to tell me.


Is our forgiveness of others sometimes a selfish act?


But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. — 1 John 2:11 —

Without going into detail, I can tell you I know what it feels like to hate. To hate in such a manner where if that loved one (note: I said loved one) died and went to hell, would have left me apathetic and uncaring. I can say honestly, and God knows, I had never in my life hated so much and so deeply. I did not think it was even possible until certain circumstances began to develop in my private life a few years back. To even think on where I once was, brings not only a chill to my soul, but deep remourse.

I had been wronged, misunderstood. Barely had I time to deal with one attack, when another would come. I became angry, wanting to defend myself, wanting to show my accusers where they were wrong, desiring to fight back. I became more hardened than I ever have in my whole life. It is to my shame that I confess, I reached a point where I just shut down.  Shutting down everything in me that would have allowed me to care for my loved ones. Shutting down any concerns I may have had previously for them. Everything good was shut out and everything bad, was shut in. I had no mercy, I had nothing but disdain and a desire to see them get what they deserved.

The following words, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. — Matthew 6:14,15 —  put a terrible dread in me. I knew I had trespassed against God’s Word in allowing myself, in choosing to defy His Word. But I did not know how to forgive. Worse than that, I did not want to.

I took a sense of pride over the years that I was the eldest. As if that position alone made me any more special than my siblings. I had not seen this pride as sin until all hell began to break lose in my soul. I had tried to the best of my abilities to walk in peace but that peace began to become unglued when our mother died. I made it worse by not responding appropriately towards certain events. Being the Christian who is suppose to know how to act during such times and did not, I take full blame and responsibility for things getting out of control. I should have known better. I should have been the one who should have been able to see Satan at work in our midst trying to destroy our family. But I did not. I came to the conclusion, most of the damage and the breach was being caused by me! By not forgiving, by not caring, by shutting down, by holding grudges in ways in hopes that would bring them to repentence. Not able to see that I needed to repent.

How foolish was I! Many times the words of Peter came to me over and over, “But Lord what about this one?” Jesus more or less told him to mind his own buisness when He said to him, “…what is it to you? You follow Me.”

I really did not know what that looked like. Did it mean that I just passively submit to everything being done? Did it mean I shut my mouth for the sake of a fake peace? The kind of peace that would have led others to believe all is well, when it is not? A peace to me that would have been compromise.

I had been taught over the years that our forgiveness of others was to “make us feel better.” I never bought that. If God is completely UNselfish, then if we Christians who have HIS Spirit in us, should we not too be just as UNselfish? Somehow me forgiving others just to make myself feel better, did not make sense to me. Isn’t it selfish to do anything in hopes of getting something in return? I think so. It is just as selfish to forgive in hopes that it will make us feel better.

A few times over the course of the past couple years when I realized my soul was in prison and I wanted out, I cried out selfishly, “God help me forgive!” But, it never happened. When that didn’t work, I wanted to know WHY I should forgive in the first place. Was it just because God laid some kind of passive condition upon His people? Something that was suppose to make us look good, somehow better than others? If that was the case, I didn’t want it. I didn’t find forgiveness worth my while if it meant it was just to make me feel better. I saw it as selfish and a type of passivity. Not only that, what about when the feel-good feelings for myself ran out, then what? I would have to go around the same old mountain trying to forgive just so I could feel good again! I may as well be a little hamster in one of those little running wheels hoping to reach my destination!


When I began to get my eyes off those who hurt me, it was then that I saw, that I too had wronged others. I was not without blame. For the longest time, I tried to justify it within myself: I had reasons not to forgive, I told myself. God You are suppose to be my defender, where were You? You didn’t defend me, so I had to do it myself. What more can You expect? You expect me to roll over and play dead? Uh uh, ain’t happening, Lord.

One thing I know about God is, you can be real with Him. He knows anyway, so you may as well just be open and honest with Him about everything.

After a few years of me hanging on to my trying to justify myself, God in His mercy began to get through to me. I’m almost certain it would not normally have taken Him years, IF I had been willing. Before I could begin to forgive, He showed me I needed forgiveness from Him for the way I had handled things. I had brought reproach to His truth, to His love, to His kindness, to His mercy. There was no way to get around it. The words of my Lord came to me and said, “If you’ve seen Me, you’ve seen the Father.” All I knew, is compared to Jesus, I looked and acted nothing like Him. There is no way He would have acted the way I did.

I write to you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His name’s sake. — 1 John 2:12 —

Forgiveness is NOT about us forgiving so we can feel better. Just as we have been forgiven for His name’s sake, we are to forgive others for the very same reason.

My question is, do we love Jesus enough, that we do what we do for nothing more than for His sake? Is He alone not worthy? Does He not deserve to have that which He suffered for? If He could die a horrible gruesome death and rise from the dead for the likes of one such as I, how much more is He worthy to have the very lives of those who He has put into my life? Who am I not to to extend forgiveness to others when He has forgiven me of so much? Forgiveness is an act of reconciliation between God and man. He desires the souls of man to know that forgiveness through His Son. Let us not be a stumbling block to that by not allowing His forgiveness to flow through us freely.

Things my dogs teach me: Let the Master Touch You

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And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.”
Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.
— Matthew 8:2,3 —

When our blue-tic Beagle, Jethro, began to get eye infections, I had to put ointment in his eyes. I dreaded it because this dog did not let you touch him if he thought you were checking something out on his body that needed care. He never bit me, but he would try if I somehow didn’t trick him into letting me. When it came time to put ointment in his eyes, I had to think of a way to make it “fun” for him in order to get him to submit to my care. I began by muzzling him. Or at least try. He was not going to have it. But when I grabbed a little can of sausages and let him see me go through the little ritual of opening the can — making sure he got a good wiff — laying the little sausages out, cutting them into pieces, he watched and waited as his slobber drooled on my kitchen floor.

I began to train him with the bits of sausages. Making it a game. He got muzzled, let me put ointment in his eyes and after we were done, he knew he was going to be rewarded. It did not take long for him to not even need the muzzle. He was perfectly content to come to me and let me do what needed to be done. Knowing he had little sausages waiting for him.

I guess in a way you could say, he had his eyes set on the prize before him. 🙂

Dolly, my smallest dog sometimes wakes up with an infection in her eyes. The first time it happened, it alarmed me. I didn’t want to have to muzzle this sweet little timid dog. It would confuse her, making her more timid. I never want my little girlies afraid of me.

I decided I would not muzzle her and just see what would happen. As I got the ointment, the dogs being curious little creatures, were under foot, hoping it was to be a treat for them. I got my reading glasses to use as I can’t see up close without them. The whole time speaking in a low soothing voice telling them what good girls they were.

They went to their bed where they followed me, and laid down. Instantly rolling over. Perfect sign of submission. Dolly let me put the ointment in her eye without trying to bite or wiggling out from under me! Dixie on the other hand, seeing what I was doing to/for her little sister, hid the upper part of her body under the bed. As if the master couldn’t see her rear end sticking out!

Aren’t we like this sometimes? We either allow the Master to touch us or we don’t.

We all hurt at some time or another. Either through sicknesses, circumstances or things that have been said or done to us. We have done things to hurt others (intentionally or not) that may may end up being the very thing to come back and bite us. Our human nature — our flesh, tends to go off somewhere and nurse our wounds. We may try to find ways to bring healing to ourselves through things that lead to types of death — physical or/and spirtual. We may go here or there looking for that one thingone person that can “fix” it. Yet, on the other hand, we may reach the point of not wanting anything or anybody touching us. Eventually we come to a place where we realize there is nothing that can. We even stop running to others, even to other Christians. It is then, we more or less throw in the towel, giving up, perhaps feeling a sense of hopelessness. We find we are not running anymore in seeking that perfect “fix.”

You wonder if you will ever see the light of day, if there is anything good under the sun at all. We realize all our running to – and -fro has done nothing but wear us out. Friend, would you believe me if I told you that is a great place to be!? His desire for you is to bring you into the place He wanted you from the beginning of the moment He began to create you in HIS image. His desire is to make you whole, to heal, to bring restoration, to REDEEM. The Master desires to touch you!

Perhaps you have said “no” in your heart, thinking, “I’m too rotten. I’m unclean, vile before the eyes of a holy God.” I would have to agree with you. Yes, you are. You are rotten and unclean. God already knows. Just as He knows it about me and every other human being on the earth.

There is only One who makes clean. Jesus Christ, the perfect sacrifice.

Or perhaps you have thought, “But you don’t know the things done against me.” You would be right. I do not. But God knows. Isn’t it enough that He knows?

He sees us trying to hide. I think we probably look ridiculous to Him when we do that. Just as goofy as Dixie with her butt stuck out from under the bed. I, as Dixie’s master, did not come up behind her and kick her. Nor did I reprimand her harshly, trying to force her out from under the bed. For one thing, she was not the one who needed the ointment. If she had, I would have found a tender way to deal with her. I don’t want my girlies hiding from me when I aim to do them good.

God does not want you trying to hide from Him, either. You can’t. So you may as well come out in the open with Him anyway and admit you need HIS touch. Not those whom you may have been running to. Not that one special prayer that Christians sometimes look for in their time of need. Not that one person who we have run to on occassion. Not that one new book which you hope has all the answers. Not that one revival meeting. Not that one conference some may say you need to attend.

God is jealous over you. Not in a bad way that some people like to portray, but in a good way. He wants you to know HE is the one who heals, HE is the repairer of the breach, HE is the one who redeems. Not because He is some selfish God who needs us to know these things for His sake. But because of who He is. A loving God, a merciful God, a kind God. He knows the only way you can be safe in your soul, is if you submit every hurt, pain and suffering to Him. To trust in anything else is idolatry. That is sin.

Whatever you are facing, whatever your circumstance, take it to the Cross. Be willing to die. You are not alone. He will show you how as He is right there with you. He is willing to touch you in spite of any foul and festering wounds. Let the Master touch you.

Counting it all Rubbish


Sometimes I believe the American church think we are somehow more special than those around the world. We trust more in our politics to change the world than we do the Gospel. While our politics do affect the whole world, what about our brand of gospel? That too has affected the whole world. I think just about every false teaching, every abomination, every lie, every deception was birthed out of America. Which if even remotely true –and I think so — would make us nothing but garbage.

Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away. — Mark 13:31 —

I’ve come to see that everything I have put my focus on over the past few years, is garbage — dung, if you will. The things of this world will pass away and as much as I would like, there is not one thing I can do to hold back the abomnible filth and lies I see invading every aspect of our culture, politics, government and even within what is called The Church. I have come to an end of myself and have no other recourse but to focus on that which is eternal. I’m certain this will bore some people and will cause them to move on, and yet, with others it is something of great relief.

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. — Phillipians 3:7-11 — 

Those within the world who speak great swelling words who appeal to man’s pride, his abilities, his accomplishments are nothing more than noise to me anymore. Man’s opinions and agendas, grow less and less important to me each passing day. Men are building their kingdoms here on this earth. Both within and outside of the church.

If you are familiar with this blog, it is no big secret how I have had such hatred and rage in me about the things that has had my attention. If Jesus Himself would have told me 10 years ago it would come upon me, I would have thought it impossible. But, He did tell me and I did not take heed:

And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.                 — Matthew 24:12,13 —

That word “love” is not some touchy feely watered down sugary definition of love. It is Agape love. It is God love. I have not had it. Even now, I can only say:

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. — Phillipians 7-14 —

When I found the video below, not able to understand the language, I was reminded of how America is NOT somehow God’s chosen or special nation. America is NOT somehow His favorite nation. The church of America is certainly not his favorite! God has His children spread throughout the world. Most of them whom I am not worthy to loosen their boot straps!

Do you sense a tugging somewhere deep within you? Is there a sense you need to do let go of some things? Oh, Bride of Christ, can you hear the Kingdom of God calling you to come out of the kingdoms of man?

That is the same Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, — Romans 8:14 – 16 —

“My kingdom is not of this world.” — Jesus


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