My Testimony — Part 1

[Note: I have tried to condense this as much as possible so it would be easier to read. I also want to address the astral projection experiences that are described here. Really, I don’t know what to think anymore. All I can say is, it was very real to me. But was it real? I do not know. I certainly do not want to sensationalize anything that may have a probable cause behind it. In the case of Astral Projection, I still do not know. My personal opinion is, it is something that is dark, Occultic and demonic.]

Some Christians over the years have told me I “glorify Satan” when I give my testimony. Please know that is not my aim and never will be. My aim is to hope that others may be able to see, through my experience, that no matter who you are or what you have done, God cares and waits for you to call on His name.

Not all of us grew up in a church setting or went to a seminary to be taught by man the things of God. Some of us, through our own rebellion and wrong doings, have had to learn things a different way. Usually through the pain, loneliness and hard knocks we got along the way by thumbing our nose to a Holy God. That was my case.

I get no pleasure in sharing my past. As my past is just that — my past. It is not one that I am proud of or have any desires to go back to.

I have noticed that some in the church seem to idolize certain testimonies over others. As if the greater the sin in your life before Jesus, the greater your testimony. I abhor that. There is no badge given to any of us who have lived a wicked and evil life. There is no distinction before God. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. There is none righteous, no not one.”

If you are one that has not lived what you may think is a “wicked” life, then be glad that God kept you from some things. But, don’t you dare judge anyone who may have lived a little worse in your eyes. You too, still need a Savior. And for those who may have a testimony similar to mine, remember your deliverances and from Whom they came. Don’t let anyone make you believe you are somehow “special” because of your past. Because just like me, you are not. There is no special trophy for us. It is not about us. It is about He who saved our soul from hell. Let us not forget this.

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Jesus Christ, the Son of God and God Himself, became very real to me in 1976. This is our story on how and when He came into my life.

From the age of 12 to 19, I studied and practiced the occult. It started with Astrology and then went on to phrenology, numerology, palmistry, astral projection, witchcraft, tarot cards, Ouija board and trying to communicate with the dead. But before I get into all of that, go back with me a little further.

When I consider Your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
The moon and the stars,
which you have ordained,
What is man that you are mindful of him…
-Psalm 8:3

It seems like I always believed there was a God. My father began teaching me about Him when I was very young. Sitting on my daddy’s lap in the back yard on moonlit nights, he would tell me, “Baby, see that moon up there? See all those stars. God made them.” I would gaze at the sky because even back them, the heavens were every bit as awesome to me as they are now. My father would say, “Baby, if you wink at the stars they will wink back at you.” With my thumb in my mouth, I would wink at the stars and sure enough, they would wink back.

Daddy would tell me there was a man on the moon and if I looked hard enough I could see him. I looked and looked and eventually I did see him. I still can see him. The awesomeness of Gods’ work to make a planet that actually looks like a face, tilting ever so slightly peering down at the earth still amazes me.

My mother too, taught me there was a God. She did this by teaching me how to pray at a very young age. Night after night of “God bless…God bless…God bless,” everybody I could think of while she patiently waited for me to finish.

But I never knew the name of this God. It would not be until years later that I would find out his name is Jesus.

At 12 years old a girl at school introduced me to astrology. I thought it was cool because of my previous fascination of the planets. I began to read everything I could on the subject and the next thing I knew I was studying numerology. By the age of 17 I had gone from just a child-like curiosity to a deep searching for truth. I longed for truth and sought it in the occult.

At around 17 (?) years old, I had a very unusual experience one night. After studying for a few hours I finally went to bed. I was not sleepy or tired, having insomnia. A couple minutes went by and then all of a sudden I heard a rushing noise in my ears. I will compare it to the waves of the ocean with a sound of buzzing in my head. I opened my eyes and I was floating over my bed watching myself lay in bed. The emotion going through me was incredible. One of complete peace and freedom.

I decided to go into my parents’ room to see if I could wake them up. I went through the hallway to their room and hovered over their bed watching them sleep. I called out to them but they did not move. I then went to my brothers’ room and did the same thing. I got the same response. Then a voice spoke to me and said, “Go to (a friends’ house) she will see you.”

I started to go through the exterior wall of the house and then a much greater voice spoke, “EVIL!” That voice shook me so terribly that I found myself back in my body, sweating, trembling and paralyzed. A sensation like a rubber band was trying to stretch something out of my body. I fought it. I became more afraid at not being able to move. Finally, after what seemed hours I was able to move a finger or a toe and I was able to move. I got out of bed and went to look at the clock to see the time. Twenty minutes had passed by. Just twenty minutes. I was shaken, but still curious and fascinated. At the time I did not know what this experience was.

A few months later, after finding a book at a used bookstore, I found out it had a name. I ignored the voice that spoke “EVIL!“ to me that night. I added astral projection to my studies and began to practice it at will.

A righteous man regards the life of his animal,
but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
-Proverbs 12:10

Later at the age of 19, I got my own apartment. Someone gave me a cute little puppy and I named him Sancho. He was my constant companion. I loved him, yet something in me began to treat him horribly. Especially after trying to read the Bible. I would try to read the Bible late at night, but the words in red made me angry. I would throw the Bible at the wall with a rage and if Sancho happened to be near me, I would pick him up and throw him across the room. The poor little dog would let out a whelp and then go hide behind the couch. Even now, just remembering my cruelty, sickens me and saddens me greatly. Thankfully, he never got hurt.

For those readers who are animal lovers and would be angry with me, I too am an animal lover today, I no longer treat animals that way, and not only that, but I have been forgiven. I do not say that lightly or flippantly. I still live with the shame of what I did to that little dog. I believe we can be forgiven. However, I believe sometimes God will allow us to remember certain things we did so we do not repeat them. Such as in my case.

My cruelty was not only towards my little dog but also my little sister who is ten years younger than me. Before I moved into my own apartment I enjoyed tormenting her. Frightening her at every opportunity.

Oddly enough, though, it was the love I had for my little sister that kept me from taking my own life many times. Many times, I was reminded by a voice in my head, “Do not kill yourself. Think of your little sister. What would she do if she did not have you in her life?” I was torn on how I could be so cruel yet feel such a deep love for her. I would be reminded of how my little sister came to be; how I prayed every single night for two years for a baby sister. I was eleven when she was born and how excited I was that this God with no name heard my prayer!

I began to hate myself knowing there was something very dark and evil in me and I didn’t know what it was. How I hated it, yet it kept telling me it was my friend. It told me that I needed it; in order to know what people were thinking as it would help me read the thoughts of others. The thoughts this thing helped me to read were never kind, encouraging, friendly or helpful. They were harsh judgments telling me things like, “they are not your friend, you can not trust them, no one likes you, you are too weird, you are evil, you will not be happy until you die,” and not to say the many vile names I heard them call me.

My relationships with others were good enough. I guess most thought I was a little odd if not weird. One friend was more special than the rest. I will call her Audrey for now. Audrey saw me during so many bad times. She saw me in times of complete weirdness of shutting down — slightly catatonic — and such times of despondency were as frightening to her as to me. There would be times where I could do nothing but sit and stare listening to the voices. She did not know what to do other than put her arm around my shoulder and cry for us both. Oh, and how she would weep. However, I could not and would not be moved by her tears. Something would rise up in me and hate her for her “being weak,” as the voices would call it. Many times I felt myself holding myself back from wanting to hurt her. But something always stopped me.

How can one be happy and yet feel sadness?
Is it a sort of madness?
-Hippie-

And I set my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly,
I perceived that this also is grasping for the wind.
For in much wisdom is much grief,
and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
-Ecclesiastes 1: 17-18-

It was a sort of madness. I could not understand why my thoughts and emotions did not line up with one another. I began going to a psychologist and she diagnosed me as schizophrenic. I saw her every week or two at the beginning. She wanted to put me on medication and I refused, until one day in her office I had no other choice. Back then in the 1970s, you could smoke in a doctors’ office. I lit up one day and caught my long hair on fire. It was burning and I could not/would not/did not move  — I felt nothing. My doctor jumped out of her chair and slapped the fire out. I still sat, not expressing anything. She sat back in her chair and said, “You need to go on medicine and if you don’t, I can have you committed right now. You need help.” I kind of argued with her but knew she meant business. I decided to take the medicine. She was able to obtain a couple of prescriptions and sent me home telling me to come back every week or so. I believe this was in the month of September of 1975. I took one drug to help me sleep at night. The other drug was an anti-psychotic. I did not notice any change other than I could sleep a little better. The voices and bad thoughts were still in my head, constantly tormenting me.

I kept on studying late at night and would not go to bed until dawn, as night time was increasingly becoming more fearful. Sometimes, when not seeking it out or not wanting to, I would astral project. One time (and I do know this will be hard to believe) I went to the home of my psychologist. I could not wait for my next session to tell her. When I began to share my experience with her she looked dumb-founded. I told her what her home looked like to the details I could remember. But instead of her being alarmed, she thought it was “cool” and wanted to hook me up with a friend of hers during our next session. She said her friend was into “stuff, just like you are.” I met her friend the next go round and sure enough, she also was a believer in the occult. We chatted about things, but I can not remember what. I don’t remember the purpose of even meeting her. I am sure though it was meant to draw me deeper into the occult. Nothing ever came of it.

But when I looked for good,
evil came to me;
And when I waited for light,
then came darkness.
-Job 30:26-

As the sun went down, nighttime became unbearable. I hated the dark of night. I usually stayed up until daybreak waiting for the sun to come up. I began to have panic attacks at night. Many voices would be speaking in my head at the same time, sometimes shouting, calling me names, accusing me, speaking ill of others and telling me to take my life. I heard whispering around me and my name being called. Terrified, I would call certain people at night telling them I could sense an evil all around me. These precious friends would either listen to me or come and pick me up in the middle of the night and take me home with them.

One night after studying, I decided to try and get some sleep because I had to go to work the next day. One of the voices came to me and said, “What would you do if the lights went off in the middle of the night?” It was a taunting voice. Panic rose up in me. It went on, “You know you would be scared. So you better get a flashlight just in case.” I did what the voice said. I ran to my kitchen cupboard and grabbed the flashlight.

Leaving most of the lights on in my small apartment, I went to bed with the flashlight on my nightstand. I drifted off into a fitful sleep. A couple hours later I woke to find all the lights off. I could barely see, it was so dark. With a sense of dread and foreboding, I got out of bed, fumbling around in the dark, feeling for the flashlight. A slight sense of relief washed over me as I found it and turned it on. I looked out the window. All the apartment complex was dark. There had been no storms and I was puzzled as to what could have caused the power failure.

One of the voices came to me and said, “See. I told you, you might need the flashlight. See what kind of power I can give to you?” My fear of the dark went away for that moment. I went back to bed wanting more of this power.

There were times when I was compelled to hurt myself. One night at work, I was in the back washing dishes. Something like a trance came over me and was allowing scalding hot water to run over my hands. Something told me to keep my hands in the water and let them remain there. I felt no pain as I watched my hands get redder and redder. One of my co-workers and a very good friend, thought there was a fire with the steam being so great. She rushed into the room, seeing me, alarmed, she called out my name. I heard her. But could not move. She ran over, grabbed my hands and said, “What on earth is wrong with you!” I felt nothing. I was in a sense, dead.

Before I moved in the apartment, I began trying to communicate with my dead grandmother. She died when I was 11 and for some reason I found myself missing her. I began to have experiences of seeing her. Whether actual dreams or not, I still do not know. The first time I was still at home. She was in my parents’ room and looked so much younger than I remembered her. On my parents’ bed were laid out all kinds of pictures; photos of my past and photos I had never seen. I asked her, “How did you get here?” She said, “They sent me in a box.” Hunting for the box, I looked around the room for it. I saw no box but I did noticed for the first time the room had a bluish-whitish glow. There was a little bunny rabbit with the same glow around it. I laughed at the thought of a bunny rabbit coming from heaven with my grandmother. I asked her why she came. She said, “To warn you about driving, drugs and alcohol. I have a friend whose daughter was killed in a car wreck from drinking.” At the time I did not drive a car. And when I did go and try and get my drivers’ license many times over the years, her words haunted me. Causing me a terrible fear of driving.

I asked her what the pictures meant. She did not answer. She just looked lovingly at me. There was a picture of a beautiful young woman and I asked who it was. She said it was her. For some reason I can not explain, I became angry and said, “That is not you! That is not my Little Maw!” She spoke gently and sweetly, “We all change when we get there.”

Another picture had caught my eye. It was one of a young woman with long blonde hair, wearing a brown fringe jacket facing what looked like to be a mountain. I questioned her about this but she did not answer. (It would be a few months later as I was walking to my therapist that I would remember that picture. I was walking up the hill leading to the place that was in the midst of a woodsy setting. It was autumn and I was wearing a leather brown fringe jacket I had recently gotten. As I was walking, I noticed the hills and then I remembered the picture. I was looking up at what appeared to be mountains. The emotion I had at that time was both frightening and exhilarating. I began to believe I was receiving more of the power I coveted.

I stepped forward to hug her but the next thing I knew, I was back in my bed, able to see in my parents’ room. The event was so real I was certain she was still there. But all I saw was a slight breeze blowing through the shear curtains in the bedroom.

After this, I began to question more the mysteries of death. I really believed someone or something was giving me a power. I wanted to believe it was the God with no name. I tried invoking my grandmother many times after that experience. I even began praying to her asking her to take my prayers to the God that had no name. I asked for her help in living. The more I talked to her, the more I wanted to be with her. The more I wanted to be with her the more I wanted to die.

By the time I was out on my own, I could fairly guess the astrological sign of others. I used it to help me decide who I would let in my world or not. I was beginning to read tarot cards and could read palms fairly accurately. I was becoming more of a believer that the occult was where the power and truth was. I was convinced the meaning of life and my purpose was in this and nothing more.

I went to the apartment laundry mat one day and started up a conversation with two women who were new tenants. I began telling them about the occult and I asked if they would like to come over one day for coffee. They took me up on it. They noticed my tarot cards on the coffee table and asked if I could read the cards for them. I said sure and began to do so. I did not know anything about these women, yet, I began to read to them what the cards said. They were either humoring me or there was something going on there, being pleasantly surprised at the reading. I was too for that matter.

I began to get more proud believing the lie that some great gift of the heavens was being bestowed upon me. As the days grew into dark nights I nurtured the power by studying and seeking even more through all forms of the occult.

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The movie “The Exorist” had been out the past few years. I had already seen it once. Tripping on LSD the first showing of it in 1973. I went to see it again taking my little brother who was 13 years old at the time. I could hardly wait to see his fear of the images on the screen. Something in me loved to see terror in others as much as I dreaded it in myself. I became ecstatic seeing his fear.

At the movie as I watched my little brother’s fear, a great sense of power and energy surged in me. It was like a drug. I laughed and laughed at him, mocking him, ridiculing him. It strengthened me in some strange way and caused me to have no compassion or empathy towards a little boy scared out of his mind. All I cared about was this high and keeping it.

My morbid desire to see others afraid would vanish as I began to sense a fear that almost crippled me. I stayed up and studied the occult until almost daybreak. One night, I was sleeping in my bed when I had a nightmare. Upon waking, I couldn’t remember anything about the dream. I just felt a great sense of evil and terror all around me. Getting out of bed, I went and laid down on the couch after turning every light on in the place. I believed that the light would drive the terror away. But it didn’t.

As I lay on the couch, listening to a soothing radio station, my eyes heavy trying my best not to fall back to sleep lest some great terror come upon me, a chant began to take over my head; “Something is going to get you. Something is going to get you. Something is going to get you even with the lights on.” Over and over it went in my head, taunting me, like it was almost singing.

A poster of Buddha hung on the wall. It appeared to take on life. I became paralyzed with fear. I made sure I stayed awake until day light. The next morning when the sun finally came up, I felt foolish for being so afraid of a mere poster. Everything seemed better during the day. But when the sun began to go down, fear would begin to grip me again. Night after night.

The nights began to get worse. I dreaded being alone. I asked the young man I was dating at the time to come over and sleep on the couch. I thought his presence would be enough to make the terror flee. But I was wrong. As I lay in bed, I began to get horrible images of him coming into my room with a knife. I tried thinking of others who I knew and trusted, tried to see their faces. But their faces had the same images. Images of hate and murder. All of them coming at me with knives in their hands. I wanted to get up out of bed, take all the knives in my apartment, bring them to the bedroom and put them under my mattress. But I couldn’t. I began to have thoughts and images of the knives floating in mid-air by unseen hands, lingering over my bed, teasing me with my own fear until they had their fun and decided to plunge me with the blades.

Terror and a dread of insanity began to take hold of me. My shrink really was not helping me much. The drugs she had given to help me were useless. Friends were beginning to not know how to deal with me. I was being compelled to distant myself from everyone.

I came to the conclusion that I had no other recourse than to make a pact with the one whom I finally understood was giving me power; Satan.

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Therefore I hated life…  — Ecclesiastes 2:17–

As the next couple weeks went by, every fear became magnified and practically crippled me in every possible way. Life had no meaning and it was not fun, anymore. And I hated it.
Over the past few years, I had an obsession with the number 9. I can not remember exactly how it came to be. Probably through my study of numerology. For me, 9 represented death. I don’t remember how I came to that conclusion. However it came to be, it caused me to be afraid and extremely superstitious. Sometimes, if a license plate added up to 9, I would not get in that car remembering the warning of Little Maw. But if for some reason I felt exceptionally brave on any given day, I would venture out. Still being apprehensive until I got to where I was going. On the 9th of each month, I would be so overcome with anxiety wanting the day to end. For I thought surely I would die on the 9th in some tragic accident.

As a small child, I developed an obsession with death. At the age of 17 the obsession grew worse when the girl who introduced me to the occult, ended up missing and found dead six weeks later. It was a tragic time for all of us who knew her. When the murderers were caught and shown on the local news, I began to become disillusioned with the hippie movement. The murderers were two young men in their late teens. They both had the typical long hair and blue jeans from that era. They looked like any other normal teen-age boys. I can still see them and can still feel the surprise and horror at seeing them. I had expected some old creepy middle aged man as her killer. But, instead, they were of my generation. For me, the days of “peace and love” began to die that day.

One night, I called Audrey, telling her I was afraid I was going to die. She came right over. We sat outside on the porch stoop. I just sat in a semi-catonic state–yielding to the lying voices telling me, “Audrey is not your friend. Do not trust her.” I wanted to express what was going on in me, but couldn’t. Like other times, she did not know what to say and she would just weep for the both of us. I hated her silence. The voices told me she was “weak.” I could hear them mocking her somewhere inside of me.

It would not be until many years later that I would learn just what that did to her. Neither of us knowing Jesus at the time knew how to fight the demonic forces at work in me, she was as terrified as I. Maybe more so, in not knowing what to expect from me. But she never left me. It was a love that surely God had put in her for me at that time.

I began to get more paranoid, not trusting anyone. My therapist wanted to begin taping our sessions. Whatever for, I don’t know. Maybe she wanted to take our sessions home with her or to someone else. I don’t know. Whatever her reason, it only made me more paranoid! Our sessions did not go very far. I kept seeing devil faces everywhere; on the floor, on the cracks in the wall and on the ceiling. When I realized my therapist could not see them, I clammed up and would not work with her.

Being afraid of everything and not being able to sleep brought horrible stress. I quit my job and let the young man I was engaged to take over the bills. Having nothing to pre-occupy my time other than the occult, I studied it with an intense fervor. I felt as if I had all the time in the world yet no time at all. I did not think I would live to see my next birthday.

Ironically enough, this is about the time I picked up an old Bible and began reading the book of Revelation. I had an overwhelming fear of the end of the world since I was very small. It stemmed from my father telling me about the end times. I would listen intently as he would tell me the moon would turn to blood and the world would burn with fire. Reading the book of Revelation brought back those fears. Strangely, as hard as I would try, I could not read any other part of the Bible. There was something about the words in red. Something that drew me to them, yet something that angered me when my eyes rested upon them. I didn’t know Jesus was speaking the words in red. I didn’t know, I just didn’t know. When trying to read those words in red, a rage would overtake me, causing me to throw that Good Book violently across the room. My poor little dog would go hide behind the couch during these times.

I began to see by looking at the faces of other people and noticing their smiles, that I just was not normal. That something was very wrong with me. Oh, how I wanted to be different. I wanted to be like everyone else. Normal, with no voices or fear. Yet, I begin to believe a voice in my head telling me this darkness was something I needed to go through for some special purpose. As if it had a grand purpose destined to full fill some great plan. I can’t remember the plan other than it was a lie.

I began practicing astral projection more. It was not a hard thing for me to do at all. It came easily. Sometimes, a terrible fear went along with it. Like when I was not wanting to do it. A buzzing or a humming would come to me, a very heavy weight would make me paralyzed and then the next thing I know I would be half way out of my body looking at myself sleeping. It felt like I was going to die. I would panic thinking, what if I die, where will my soul, the part of me that is sitting up next to my sleeping body, go? One night I was out (I hate to use this word, never the less there is not other way to put it) flying in the field behind my apartment complex. I can’t begin to describe the exhilaration. Then all at once, the fear came and the next thing I am swooping down in my bed.

I began having thoughts of taking my life. One day while out walking I sat on a tree stump looking at the cloudy December skies. I began to talk to my Little Maw telling her it would not be long until I would be with her. I told her how sad I was and so confused. “I wish you were here to tell me what to do,” I said. “I’ll be with you soon, when God tells me the right time to die.”

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38 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Hillary
    Feb 14, 2009 @ 06:27:59

    This was quite the read.

    I used to be one of those people who looked in awe at ones with amazingly dramatic testimonies and inadequate because I became “saved” at 3 years old, then again at 6 because I didn’t remember the first time; raised in a very conservative family, sheltered, home-schooled, the whole nine yards.

    But I had my own struggles . . .religious turmoils that kept me from knowing the true God, His love, grace, and sanctification. It is only in my adult life that I have truly been set free.

    Have you written a book?

    Reply

    • redeemedhippiesplace
      Feb 14, 2009 @ 11:52:02

      I am so glad you no longer look in awe of those with certain testimonies. People do themselves and God an injustice by comparing themselves among themselves. We are told not to do it.

      I am glad you have been set free. Truly truly He whom the Son sets free is free indeed. And knowing the truth shall make us free. I have lived a little over half a century on this planet and still, to this day, it is only truth that sets me free in any areas. The thing is being able to see it, receive it and live it out. Hard to do sometimes.

      I am currently writing a book. Or should say, I have been working on a novel off and on for a few years. But last summer I found out I could do this (blog) and this has taken my passion and time.

      Reply

  2. mapolsen2003
    Mar 08, 2009 @ 17:53:09

    I love what God has done in your life; however your testimony left me hanging. I’m assuming Christ redeemed you but didn’t see it in the reading. . . Did I miss the power of God somewhere in your testimony? I caught the powers of Satan — just didn’t see the power of God.
    I have experience the pure glory of the presence of God and it’s residual affects. He is joy unspeakable and full of glory. God also translates His people to other places for His purposes (I have experienced this too) and He sits us in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.
    I’d like to hear more of the Holy Spirit encounters. Satan can only counterfeit the real.

    Reply

  3. redeemedhippiesplace
    Mar 08, 2009 @ 19:44:22

    Thanks for dropping by. I have not finished my testimony. I started on the last part a few months back but became distracted as I so easily do. Just a tad of information; the people who led me to the Lord ended up being cultic. Yet, I was truly born-again in a blink of an eye. I still can look back on that day, Feb. 9, 1976 and feel such gratitude that a loving God had mercy on my soul. He truly did bring me out of darkness into His wonderful light. This is just one reason I love truth when I can see it. Just like what you gave to me last night. I love when God does little surprises like that!

    Reply

  4. mapolsen2003
    Mar 08, 2009 @ 20:22:13

    Thanks for giving me a glimpse of the end of your testimony (I knew there had to be more!) I love when God leads us into truth too.

    Reply

  5. talk junkie
    Mar 30, 2009 @ 01:08:17

    I hope you find time soon to tell us the rest of your testimony. The first part is very frightening. I know the second part is going to be glorious and uplifting. Our God is mighty and wonderful, and His compassion is beyond our understanding.

    Reply

  6. redeemedhippiesplace
    Mar 30, 2009 @ 12:38:12

    talk junkie,

    The last part will be as you said, “glorious and uplifing.” Not because of me, but because of Jesus. He truly is worthy of all praise and glory. When I called out his wonderful name, I truly was born-again. He had great mercy on me and in the blink of an eye He took me from darkness to His glorious light of truth.

    I hope to have it up soon also. I have not been able to work much on it with all the things developing within the world. (We are in the end times, I do believe.)My attention span is not the greatest for a number of reasons. Pray for me? Thank you for dropping by.

    Reply

  7. DeeDee
    Apr 15, 2009 @ 19:51:54

    Hi, Hippie!
    I’m glad I read your testimony. Reflecting back on what I read, I saw God’s presence in your life, gently whispering to you, overseeing and protecting you, because He knew you would be His.

    We all have our stories, and there are times when I speak with a sister/brother in Christ, and their “squeaky clean” life since childhood, and the old sin of envy would surface. I’d look at their Godly marriages, and I look at my 3-time strikeout, and now I’m a single 55 year old, living alone. I look at the Godly homes they were raised in, and I look at my childhood, laced with alcoholism and neglect. And I would think that life didn’t deal me a fair blow from the beginning. How unfair!

    But then, I look at the faithfulness they have had all their lives, and I look at my own unfaithfulness… I turned away from God when my mother died, too. I look back and realize how many times God whispered to me, and I didn’t adhere to His instructions, or respond to His love.

    My testimony humbles me, shows me God’s faithfulness, His endearing love; my testimony shows me that it was me who made the wrong choices… that all in all, I was given the same choices as they — the choice to let Jesus lead the way, or try to lead ourselves. I didn’t choose Jesus and now I look back to learn, not to relive.

    Nothing is wasted. God is using my pain to help others, and He has drawn me so close to Him and for the first time in my life, I don’t need a man in my life to complete me. Jesus is my husband, the Perfect Love that I had been searching for my entire life.

    Awesome testimony, my Hippie Friend, but then… isn’t every testimony awesome?

    Reply

  8. redeemedhippiesplace
    Apr 16, 2009 @ 12:18:53

    DeeDEe, yes, EVERY testimony is awesome because God is awesome! How He can take a rotten vile soul and make it brand new is very awesome! God had such mercy on us.

    Reply

  9. thredd
    Jul 14, 2009 @ 20:31:48

    i have some similar experience. and also loved jesus too at early age. i was unhappy about all of it. it is good that jesus has intervened. for all of us. it just doesn. tmatter, as long as jesus is who we are lookingat with the faith he has given us. it is by the blood of th elamb and the owrd of our testimony that we overcame the power of the evil one. these words are important to me/ oi do not think they mean “we beat death:/ or these 2 things overcame death] i think it means these 2 things uniquely for each inidividual/ have a part in our ouwn indiviual life in overcoming the evil one’s ploys to getting or focus off the One WHo Supremely Loves us. so our own testimonies become very important here/ along witht he blood of the lamb. of course/ and what He did for us. thankyou. xo

    Reply

  10. redeemedhippiesplace
    Jul 14, 2009 @ 22:06:21

    Yes, thredd, these thing you speak are true. Very true. And we are to work out our own salvations with fear and trembling. You be blessed as you continue on in your quest for His truth. Test all things that are to come upon the earth. Test them with the Word of God.

    Reply

  11. thredd
    Jul 15, 2009 @ 01:57:07

    thankyou very much

    Reply

  12. redeemedhippiesplace
    Jul 15, 2009 @ 13:49:34

    threed, you are welcome.

    Reply

  13. myfatherhisprodigal
    Sep 28, 2009 @ 09:30:39

    Thankyou, emotionally honest. My goodness you were divinely protected, divine mercy. I too am writing my testimony, it took so many years to finally realise He loves me and no matter what others think, He does use the most foolish things of this world to show others how He restores our brokenness and He renews and reparents our mind. I love your blog and was so grateful to hear that there are other daughters in the Lord longing to hear the kind of preaching Dave Wilkerson pours out from the heart of God within him. His humility and broken heart that oozes his love of God without the stage antics. My deepest praise to God for your beautiful new heart that is shining through the storms of yesterday becoming a beautiful tapestry of God’s grace, mercy and Fatherly love for you.
    He will restore all that the locusts in your life took.
    May every rainbow you see remind you of the covenant love He has for you, may your every sleeping moment be reminded that He sings over you. He delights in you, may the blessings of His grace, favour and mercy shower upon your every pathway in each new morning that are full of His tender mercies.

    Reply

  14. redeemedhippiesplace
    Sep 28, 2009 @ 12:51:02

    myfatherhisprodigal,

    Yes, I was divinely protected in so many ways through the years. Not by my doings but by the mercies of God. He has brought me through so much and i am certain He will continue to bring me through anything and everything. As He will with you.

    Thank you for the beautiful prayer. May God grant it.

    When having done all, stand.

    Reply

  15. Mortification-God rules
    Mar 14, 2010 @ 21:29:29

    Wow, I can’t wait for you to finish it.

    PS. If I understood correctly, you are rewriting some parts.
    There is a part that overlaps a bit with the first half that you wrote. I would love to show the finished testimony to my fellow Christians in our group.

    CS South-Africa

    Reply

  16. redeemedhippiesplace
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 11:03:49

    MG, thank you. I do intend to finish it some day. I started writing it in parts in 1979 when it was fresh in my memory. I have all the parts scattered about and I need to put them in order before I finsh it. Not easy for a scatter brain like me. 🙂

    Reply

  17. jeri carswell
    May 12, 2010 @ 19:13:52

    Yes u need to conclude this with he’s glowing glory.. Ive expereinced out of body flying and what not. I was not looking for them and I heard a voice too. I also heard the buzzing sounds and i was very frighted. I prayed to the father asking him not to allow this if it wasnt from him. I havent had any more expereinces like that since…. I could go into detail sometime if you want… It’s pretty heavy stuff tho but by the grace and love of Jesus Christ I am alive today and waiting for his rapture Peace +

    Reply

  18. redeemedhippiesplace
    May 12, 2010 @ 21:15:28

    jeri, I’ve been working on that off and on for some time now. I have parts of it scattered here and there from when i wrote it long hand years ago.

    What happened that made you experience those things? Were you in the occult? Did they stop. Please feel free to share on what God has done for you.

    Reply

    • jeri carswell
      May 22, 2014 @ 04:03:46

      wow, I have forgotten that I wrote this a couple of years ago, I was not into the occult really and I wasn’t trying to get involved in anything, it just happened, I was laying down with my eyes closed than I heard a voice that said thank you thank you thank you, the other side the other side the other side, I checked out a book about Jean Dixson and Ive learned that she was a false phophet anyways her book said that when your right with life you would hear from the other side….well the other side was satan himself, one night I fell asleep with the light on and then woke up hearing the buzzing sound and got up and literally ran around the room trying to get rid of the feeling but it over powered me and made me lay down, the room went dark and there I saw a womans face, very beautiful or so I thought and she said to me My son knows you, he knows you well, after that it went away, DId satan want me to think that that was mary? I don’t know, it was weird. A couple of times I left my body flying through the universe really….It just happened and I finally prayed to God not to ever let this happen again and it didn’t, I didn’t know Jesus at the time but did give my life to him some time afterward and I thank God for Jesus Christ, he saved me from a life with satan himself, satan is a creep and will use anything he can to mislead you away from the true God, Jesus is now my personal Lord and savior and I love him dearly, I don’t want to loose the fire I have for him, I never want to become luke warm and have him spit me out of his mouth, I long to be with him and need him more each day, He wants me to trust him completely but for some reason I have become a doubting Thomas, I need to trust him 100 percent again, prayer would be appreciated, much love to you redeemed hippie

      Reply

  19. oxco
    May 25, 2010 @ 10:35:22

    Thank you for this post, I too have struggled to fit into the ‘normal’ society of church, I have an abusive past, of which as a child being told over and over that I ruined their lives and wished I had never been born. Some days for control my dad would tell me I was mixed up at the hospital and if I didn’t ‘get in line’ he would send me back, that I didn’t even look like anyone in the family. I lived in a constant state of fear that they would send me somewhere to a horrible place and my family was all that I knew as a young child. So today and 50+ I struggle to fit in somewhere. I know the roots of pain and have struggled most of my adult life to move past. Some things are so deeply imprinted in your self worth, it like tearing the skin off. I was saved in 98′, lived on a spiritual high for sometime until you tell people of your past or try to show your weaknesses and then moral judgement comes in from the so called early saved church group. It has been a struggle indeed, I know it is not their fault and my coping skills are horrible. I struggle with trusting Jesus, I see sometimes a brutal father who delights in causing pain for his child which I have experienced. I do know that hope is renewed in my soul every morning that spurns me on at least not to be suicidal most days. I only wish for true peace, joy and love from Him that I have heard, read and prayed for all my life. Thanks for letting me sound off. Some days I want to be that little girl who can run into the father’s arm and truly know love, acceptance and mercy, and I was meant to be here. C

    Reply

  20. redeemedhippiesplace
    May 25, 2010 @ 12:07:56

    oxco, Thank you for dropping by. The things that happened to you as a child, does not take God by surprise. A lot of us were brought up in an abusive home. We must remember, our parents did the best they could with what they had at the time. If someone has a broken leg, one would not expect them to run a marathon and win, right? So, we must remember that we all have had limitations. That even includes parents. We must forgive them for there were many times they did not know what they did.

    When I have found myself rejected, misunderstood, this truth here is always near me: I am accepted in the Beloved. See, that is all that really matters. It does not matter what parents did to us or thought of us. Oh yes, I know it hurts, really I do. But the truth is, they are no more perfect than we are. There is only One who can love us in such a perfect way and that is Jesus.

    Take it from one who had to learn, that God is not a brutal Father. This truth has spoken to me many times: “If you have seen Me, then you have seen the Father.” — Jesus — So many times, I had to run to that truth, C. So many times because I was waiting for God to hit me or something. But all He asked from me was to run to Him. He has been the only One who can even come close to understand the things that have touched me. He is the only One for you too, friend.

    Now, I must be blunt here. So do not misunderstand me or see this as being harsh, ok? IF you keep going around the same old mountain, then you need to stop long enough and ask God, “Lord, is there some kind of pay off I am getting by continuing in this? Is there something in me, Lord, that would not want to move on?” Be still and know He is God during this time. For HE is the only One who can give you what you are looking for. Not family members, not friends, not children, not a spouse — no one. He loves you way too much to let anything or anybody stand in the way of that. Besides, where else can we go? Really, where else can we go but to the Father who loves us greater than any could love us upon the earth?

    Reply

  21. susankps
    May 28, 2010 @ 17:54:50

    Thank you for taknig the time to share the first part of your testimony, Redeemed Hippie. But it’s been more than a year and the rest, the best, the God glorifying part, isn’t finished yet? I don’t understand. What would induce you to share just the “bad” part? I don’t understand that. It’s almost like a part of you still wants to scare people (for those who are scared by this sort of thing, of course). ?

    I pray the fullness of God’s unconditional, unearned love would fill every cell, every fiber of your being, dear one. I look forward to hearing the glorious, God-honoring part of your story. With love, Susan

    Reply

  22. redeemedhippiesplace
    May 28, 2010 @ 19:48:02

    susan, you are correct. It has been a long time since I’ve been able to complete my testimony. It was something I began writing short hand years and years ago, as it was still fresh in my memory. I was in my 20s at the time. Soooo, it is in parts and not being the most organized person on the earth and a bit scatter-brained at that, I have not been able to just sit down and finish it. I would have to be looking at hand-written parts, trying to piece it all together and type at the same time and I find that hard to do. I can assure you though, nothing in my testimony is meant to scare people. I am not in that kind of thing. I hope you can believe that.

    Also, when I began writing the testimony on this post soon to be two years, I became distracted with other events going on at the time. The apostacy within the church, the political arena, my mother’s health at the time, etc.

    One of the things a writer should do every single day is try and write… even if just a little bit. I’m not too disciplined with that at times. Thank you for your comment and I thank you for your openess and prayer for me. Please pray that I can focus. That is the one thing I need to be able to do these days.

    Love in our Lord Jesus

    Reply

  23. calledchosenfaithful
    May 31, 2010 @ 01:39:37

    Could you explain what you mean by saying that the people who led you to the Lord ended up being ‘cultic’?

    Reply

  24. redeemedhippiesplace
    May 31, 2010 @ 01:50:53

    calledchosen, yes. They were part of some kind of group (perhaps it was the Shepherding movement of the 70s’ OR a group called The Way — I really do not know which) … even though they gave me the truth and led me to the Lord and away from the occult, they wanted to control everything I did. They told me I had to give up my friends, my family, my job… everything and go “live with the sisters.” A group of young women. I was very confused because I really wanted to follow Jesus. But something did not feel right about that. Thank God, there was a couple I knew, who talked sense to me and I never did let the people control me. Anytime anyone wants to control everything about your life, what you eat, who you now, where you go, etc. you can bet it is a cult.

    Reply

  25. wanda
    Oct 23, 2012 @ 20:29:41

    Ahh, truly as scripture says fear hath torment. You found Him and not everyone does. You are blessed. I and my two younger sisters lost our mother when we were 9,7, and just turned 3 girls. I was 9,mother diagnosed with Leukemia and was pg and told maybe just a short time to live.She dreamed dr gave her a shot and she died. Dr. did come with a shot, back then 1951 my dad and his family asked the dr to do a mercy killing which they did.She died with this shot. Dad was going with one of the nurses whom he quickly married soon after this. Mother’s family tried to stop it but could not. She died two weeks after she was diagnosed.

    At funeral someone picked up the 3 year old asking her if she would like to get into the casket with her mother and she screamed and screamed.We met our step mother home from the honeymoon calling us the three little pigs.We were locked in two adjoining bedrooms, no heat and not allowed to come out of our room. We could not watch tv or be with them in the living room or their bedroom. We had to whisper when we spoke, bedtime was when we got home from school.She was a nurse, worked at night, slept days.Jealous of our mother and us she burned all pictures of us and mother.

    Our mother made my dad promise we would not miss church and he kept that promise.Their friends did not know we belonged to them.Best friend teacher of the youngest of us who vomited every day and had malnutrition.Our dad president of a local men’s club giving gifts to poor children,we wondered why we never got any gifts.

    All our pretty clothes taken from us,we wore high top shoes,dresses and pinafores, long hair.She cut off our long hair, took toys from the 3 year old.
    She made a pillowcase as her doll.She wept when we went to school but she learned how to climb out a window and ran around up and down the busy highway and begging for food at the door of neighbors.She said Jesus would visit her and play games with her,peep eye in the clouds.She could tell time by the sun so she would get back in the room just in time.
    Ps 27 says when my mother and father forsake me the Lord shall take me up and He did. We never missed church, we knew Jesus all our lives.He raised us. He taught us.
    I got a job at 14 and every Sunday after church we went out to eat and to the movies. The younger 2 loved that and so did I.

    Much more to the story but too long. We all love God and He truly has been our Father Yahweh and our Yeshua His Son taught us over the years. Much happened to me due to my not being fed right,we would get about one teaspoon of all she cooked at meals.I have had medical mistakes in hospitals which resulted in many medical problems for me.Yet, God is good and keeps me alive.Healed of many things yet not all.
    Unnecessary open heart surgery, 8 lb benign tumor removed, colon cancer, part of my Pancreas removed, in coma twice, and much more.
    He told me once, never say you have been through anything, say rather the Lord has brought me through many things.
    Sorry for the length of this. God is wonderful, isn’t He? We who know God are the most blessed people on the face of the earth. I am 70, at 26 years ago He told me to learn Hebrew things. I learned about The Feasts of the Lord we are to celebrate forever, the alphabet which each letter is about our Lord. Because I had to spend all that time in bed I studied the Word 18 hours a day/7 days a week for many years.So what was meant for evil turned out for my good.

    I was in Hospice two years ago but after a few months they had to release me, I was not dying.

    I would like to read the rest of your testimony, it might help many. There is also more of mine of the years of illnesses,one and a half years spent in hospitals. Drs say I should not be alive.Lung dr was asked how long will she live and he wrote this note in my record: I can not place a time for her as she has an attitude…what I have is the Lord and He does make the difference, doesn’t He Redeemed Hippie?

    Reply

  26. Moral Realist
    Dec 27, 2012 @ 22:39:26

    I am truly honored to read these comments and testimonies of all who have written. I, too, have similar experiences and Redeemed Hippie, I too have been redeemed from occult practice in my life, but not by my, but by my father who involved me as an infant…enough said. I have sadly found that many Christians do not want to hear our testimonies…it frightens them and misunderstood comments often follow that are very painful showing that they don’t understand that we are so glad to be free, forgiven and loved by the Lord. I support you in your quest to share your faith and what God has done in your life. He is so amazing.

    Reply

  27. Mark Jones
    Mar 21, 2013 @ 02:30:40

    Hello. I just stumbled across your site tonight, and am glad I did. Before the recent election, I spent countless hours wasting time blogging on USAToday.com basically arguing with Obama supporters and non-believers. I have never seen so many horrible comments in my life. Recently, I have realized how much evil is out there, and how I have allowed it to consume me interacting with such individuals. My time will be much better served reading the Word, and visiting such sites as yours. Thank you!!! Mark

    Reply

    • redeemedhippiesplace
      Mar 21, 2013 @ 13:24:11

      Mark, I know the feeling of trying to debate with obama followers. That is why you will not see any comments here defending him. I too have been caught up in many such things that have consumed me. I can not promise you will never see anything more about obama here. Everynow and then I will put something up (in fact have something in my drafts I want to put up today) just to let people know that my silence on the subject does not mean I have changed my mind on him. I hope this blog and those who visit it will be a blessing to you as I hope you will be the same to others. Feel free to make yourself at home here.

      Reply

  28. Mark Jones
    Mar 21, 2013 @ 21:08:47

    It’s a good thing that you do post such matters about our President. Most of the media certainly does not, and that has a whole lot to do with the way things are going unfortunately. My family and I attend a very small Baptist Church here in Central Florida, and I know most of our church feel the same way I do about our leaders of our country. We always make a point to pray for them at every service. I am grateful for the our spiritual leaders, and how they preach word for word what is in the Bible, and not other interpretations of it. Looking forward to reading your archives, links, and future posts. Thank you for welcoming me here.

    Reply

  29. Jesusistheway
    Nov 13, 2013 @ 08:20:10

    God is soooo good, that whatever our past was, He can turned it for good. I am also once, who do my own, and do things which I think is good, and even go to lot of religion and read their doctrines. To the point, I do not believe that God really exist. But the time, I question and sincerely ask that if God is real, let Him reveal himself, and forgive all my sin. Bec.I cannot really change myself. And that’s the time, I cry, with peace and forgiveness and my heart.. God is so good, that He made and do lot of ways, just to help us realize that He is real, and He is willing to help us. Godbless u! redeemedhp. thank u for sharing ur life.

    Reply

    • redeemedhippiesplace
      Nov 15, 2013 @ 00:36:52

      Jesusistheway, yes, God is good. God bless you too.

      Reply

  30. SDOH
    Jan 18, 2014 @ 03:12:26

    The Lord bless you and keep you
    The Lord make his face to shine upon you
    And be gracious unto you
    The Lord lift up His countenance upon you
    And give you peace
    As the Bible says.
    God cover you with the blood of Jesus Christ.
    In Jesus Christ name.
    Amen.

    Reply

  31. njr
    Feb 06, 2014 @ 15:20:48

    When Paul the Apostle gave his testimony He started when he actually met Jesus. He doesn’t tell his life story Nor does he say anything About Satan.
    He mentions persecuting the church When he writes To the Saints.
    You should limit your words To that Jesus saved you from sin
    In other words pattern your testimony after the way to how Paul the Apostle gave his.
    Forgive my mistakes I’m on my android.

    occult Without going into detail
    And mentioning things many people don’t need is here

    Reply

    • redeemedhippiesplace
      Feb 07, 2014 @ 15:45:38

      njr, here’s a thought: why don’t you get your own blog and do it the way you are called. And really, you did not need to mention your android. Just saying.

      Reply

  32. Vicky Fisher
    Aug 19, 2014 @ 20:20:51

    WOW- Just reading reading part -one had me one the edge of my seat. So fascinating and terrifying .I could more but I need to read Part 2 and 3. I know it ends well because you eventually found our Lord and Savior Jesus 🙂 ❤

    Reply

    • redeemedhippiesplace
      Aug 21, 2014 @ 01:28:52

      Hi Vickie! Surprised to see you here. Make yourself at home, my friend. 🙂

      Reply

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